CHAPTER TWENTY TWO THERE IS SUNSHINE IN MY SOUL

CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

THERE IS SUNSHINE IN MY SOUL

“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.”  Helen Keller said this even though she couldn’t see the sunshine!  She was an amazing woman who overcame incredible obstacles.  She is proof that we can find hope in the very worst situation.  The first big change necessary for a successful journey is to learn how to find the good and the positive in the worst of times.

We spent the last days of 2012 in sunny California with our daughter, Shelly, and her beautiful family.  After being in the frozen world of Utah, sitting in the radiant sunshine on her front porch was a gift and blessing.  I almost stayed home because of my broken ribs, but Shelly encouraged me to come, reminding me that I would be in pain either at home or at her   place.  We enjoyed being outside breathing in the moist ocean. Wilf rode his bike while I walked around the streets in Shelly's neighborhood. It was good to be outside in the sunshine.

We had a consultation with Dr. Steenblock, a pioneer of  Stem Cell Therapy.  In just one week after we learned about him,  we were at his office in Mission Viejo, thirty minutes from Shelly's home.  This was a miracle to me!   Dr. Steenblock believed his treatments could help me, so I began the preliminary testing that day.  We spent a lovely week walking on the beach, watching the sun set over the ocean and enjoying the Holbrook family. 

We drove to Arizona where we rented a house next door to Jack and Denny. Lois and Ef Orgill, joined us after a few days and we spent the next three weeks enjoying the sun and Denny’s amazing kindness, meeting cousins and friends and picking delicious citrus fruit.  Wilf rode his bike every day and I walked around the streets, picking tangelos and oranges, and admiring the cactus and palm trees. I felt like I was in a healing spa; walking in the warm sun, exercising at the gym, swimming in the pool, reading in the sunshine and eating delicious citrus fruit while my broken ribs were healing.   It was just what doctors should prescribe.

Abundance of tangelos make me smile!

I felt so blessed and grateful to have this time to heal and soak up the sunshine.  It was a wonderful way to begin the new year, bringing hope of good things to come.  Sharron helped us pick a truckload of grapefruits, oranges, lemons and tangelos.  It’s such a blessing to take this delicious sun drenched citrus fruit back to frozen Utah.  These little  balls of sunshine would cheer and bless our family and remind me of God’s abundant gifts. After twelve hours driving through near zero temperatures with our truck load of citrus it was good to be home! 

                                  Sharron's oranges and grapefruit on one tree.

The next morning, I awoke to a freezing cold and grey world but there was sunshine in my soul.  My heart was filled with gratitude for the wonderful days in the sunshine, waiting for my ribs to heal. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for Denny, Jack, and Sharron and their amazing generosity. The Arizona sunshine is a beautiful gift for an ailing spirit, as is a loving husband who patiently cared for me while I was unable to do much of anything.  He kindly waited on me, helping me  in and  out of our truck and  doing everything for me that I couldn’t do for myself.

                                        Jack and Denny happy in Arizona.

Resting and relaxing in Arizona was so good for me. Everyone should  slow down and  pay attention to their health.  Our health is our greatest wealth, but we don’t realize it until it’s too late!  If we lose our health we lose everything.  The body is a wonderful gift we often take for granted.  I am filled with awe as I contemplate the amazing healing machine the body is, mending my broken ribs and hopefully regenerating new brain cells.  I’m grateful for my amazing body that heals itself!  As I think of all my blessings there is sunshine in my soul! President Uchtdorf said:

“No matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something in each day to embrace and cherish.  There is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy, if only we will see and appreciate it.  Perhaps we should be looking less with our eyes and more with our hearts.  One sees clearly only with the heart.  Isn’t it better to see with our eyes and hearts even the small things we can be thankful for rather than magnifying the negative in our current condition.”

 

An adversarial view of life motivates most of us.  We look at life as if it were a constant test, that life is tough, and only those able to overcome the trials and tribulations are able to survive.  There is energy in this view of life that eventually wears us down.  A visionary view looks at life from a different perspective.  Instead of “we have to,” it is “we get to.”  We then look at life as opportunities instead of challenges to overcome.  When we stay in higher levels of consciousness, inspiration comes.  We can all try to live this way, staying in a place of peace rather than dwelling on problems to overcome.  Problems do arise, but the visionary person works through these troubled times smoother, easier, and quicker than the adversarial person. Every day we find ourselves in situations where the outcome can be influenced by whether we react with fear or faith.  This goes beyond maintaining a positive attitude, it’s a feeling of a positive outcome. Visualize the desired outcome and enter into the feeling of success, not just hoping things will turn out, but experiencing the emotion as if they already have.  This is a wonderful way to live our lives.  It's the difference between living in the sunshine or living in the shadows.                                               

Gratitude is the power to give sight to the blind, it changes the way we see things! My beautiful life changed when I lost my sweet brother and my youthful vitality with Parkinson’s.  I feel like I became my Mom, especially since I broke my ribs; now I move slowly and carefully like an old person.  How did all this come about so quickly?   I can barely recognize my own life, but I’m very grateful for my life and my  many blessings! I gratefully acknowledge the 69 years of near perfect health that I’ve been blessed with.  My life has been a sweet dream compared to my cousin, my sisters, my brothers and so many who lost their health at an early age.  My body is a wonderful gift that has served me well these many years.    My heart is full of gratitude and compassion for my beautiful right hand, as I watch it work hard with tremors.  I send it love and healing and thank it for serving me well all of my life.  I bless all of my organs and send them gratitude.  Now I care for my body with love, kindness and appreciation and ask for forgiveness for taking it for granted all these years. I am very grateful for Wilf, my wonderful companion.  He is becoming an excellent care giver, like my Dad who took care of my Mom in her last years.

                                             My Dad, a good example!

President Henry B. Eyring’s children were very small when he started to write a few things each day.   He said:

“One night many years ago I heard in my mind,  “I’m not giving you these experiences for yourself.  Write them down.”  I was to record for my children to read, someday in the future, how I had seen the hand of God blessing our family.  As I kept at it, something began to happen.  As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done, that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day.  I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done.  More than gratitude began to grow in my heart."

My heart is full of gratitude as I recognize God's hand in my life each day.  'm grateful that our family business is doing well, growing and beginning to prosper and finally paying us back each month.  We’ve seen miracles happen with new lines and new employees.  I gratefully acknowledge God’s hand in these miracles.  True prosperity always has a spiritual basis, and true spirituality brings prosperity. Our family is prospering as they grow in righteousness.

                                          Amazing women in our family.

I’m grateful for our beautiful large family. They are all talented, smart and healthy.  Our children are great parents doing a marvelous job raising their families. We have great joy and rejoicing in our posterity.  These are peaceful and pleasant days and our family is doing well!  How blessed we are to live close to three precious daughters, granddaughters and a niece. I’m surrounded by sweet children and grandchildren who watch and pray for me, and help me.  

We are very grateful that our daughter, Laura, has found happiness with her new husband, Bob Love.  They have a big job with nine children between the two of them, but they are working hard together and are off to a good start!  We prayed for so many years that a good man would come to help her and our prayers have been answered.  

                              Happy wedding day for Laura and Bob!

We are very grateful for the Lord's hand in our life and his amazing grace that promises good to us! There is good in all things, even in bad situations.  In order to fully enjoy the good things in life, we must experience the bad things from a positive perspective.  We can’t enjoy the good if we haven’t experienced enough negative to recognize the good. Breaking my ribs was a big setback for me, increasing the tremors and weakening my muscles. The worsening  tremors made me question my earlier decision to be drug free. I tried the drug patches the doctor prescribed and got relief from the tremors.  As the patches became less effective, I started taking the Parkinson’s drugs. I miss the clear headed, drug free feeling and energy I used to have.  The drugs have created a dependency in my body; without them I have a new problem – restless leg syndrome. Even though I feel trapped in this drug cycle I'm grateful for the relief they give me. 

I’m grateful for the prayers of others in my behalf.  I believe that those who are prayed for generally live longer, heal faster, and require fewer medications than those who aren’t prayed for.  I believe that God will lead me through this just as He did in Cambodia He blessed me with gifts, talents, and strength to do things I never thought possible; to speak the language, play the piano, teach English and piano. I truly have experienced his hand in my life.  

      

                      Playing the piano for Relief Society in Cambodia.

In Cambodia I learned to walk with the Savior, but I forgot so easily when I returned to the comforts of my home. He never gives up on me, even though I keep messing up!    I want to fill my life with his light just like I did when I was a missionary.  There I climbed to the summit, saw the views and felt the highs.  Now I’m relearning how to live at the lower levels of life, while still hanging on to the memory of the joy and highs of being at the summit. When we are faithful and securely attached to the Savior, He will help us walk this mortal path, climb to the summit, and overcome every challenge of mortality! 

                                          Climb to Ensign Peak summit. 

I’m grateful for the testimony of our Savior that burns bright in my soul.  It is the sunshine in my soul. I have hope and visions of a bright future as I contemplate the great joy of the resurrection!  The scriptures teach:

“The soul shall be restored to the body, and the body to the soul; yea, and every limb and joint shall be restored to its body;  yea, even a hair of the head shall not be lost; but all things shall be restored to  their proper and perfect frame.  And then shall the righteous shine forth in the kingdom of God.”  Alma 40: 23,25

This glorious message brings sunshine to my soul!

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE SURRENDER SUZANNE

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

SURRENDER SUZANNE  

One night the tremors were so bad I couldn’t sleep so I got up to read.  As I walked in the dark I tripped and fell on the coffee table.   I knew it was bad when I felt the crunch in my rib cage and the pain that followed.  For two months I was a blob of pain.   I had never experienced such pain before, but pain is always my best teacher and I learned there are worse things than Parkinson’s. I couldn’t “do” anything.  Wilf was my care giver and did everything for me, just like he did in Cambodia!  

                                    Wilf, my best shopper in Cambodia!

In the last five years I've gone from a capable hard working woman to a useless broken slug. When our children came to see me,  all I could do was sit and visit.  I couldn’t serve them or myself.  My list of things I could do grew very small in a very short period of time.  With the little strength I have left in my right hand, I could play the piano, type, shower on my own and move about the house very slowly and carefully.  The doctor said it would take two months to heal broken ribs. I didn’t want to believe him, but he was right, it took every bit of two months and then some to get better.  Without exercise my body got weaker and weaker, adding to the stress and toll of Parkinson’s.

 

One week after I broke my ribs, my beloved brother Doug,  passed away at the Veterans  hospital, after fighting a valiant battle with cancer.  We were very close in age, only two years apart.  I loved him dearly for 66 years, and I couldn’t even go to the hospital to say goodbye to him because of my painful condition.  His wife, Gloria, put the phone to his ear so I could tell him how much I loved him.  We thought he would die  many times before because of his fragile condition, but he always surprised us with his strong will to live.     

The world was a better place because he lived!  He was a choice, sweet soul with a brilliant mind and a kind heart.  When he was a young child everyone called him the sunshine boy. He was an Eagle Scout and he lived the spirit of that award throughout his life.  He served two years in the East Central States Mission and returned home ready for life, just when the Vietnam war was escalating.

                                           My brother, Doug, before Vietnam. 

We were all heartsick when he received his draft notice, but like other dutiful and patriotic Americans he obeyed the call and went to fight the war in Vietnam. My entire family spent the next twelve months praying and crying over his letters.  He loved the Vietnamese people and they loved him.  They loved his kind gentle nature and followed him everywhere, calling him “Number One G I”.   He was truly a gentle warrior! When other American soldiers were arrogant and unkind, he loved and honored these gentle Asian people.  He was wounded and received a Purple Heart Award.  We were ecstatic when his general cut his service one month short because of the pleas of our desperate mother. 

                                        My brother after the Vietnam war.

Doug was not the same innocent boy who left us one year earlier.  He had changed from a carefree and happy young man to a serious and seasoned soldier, but still very much the gentle warrior.  His heart was forever changed by the humble spirits of the Asian people he loved in Vietnam.  In 2007 he was diagnosed with Myeloma, a type of bone cancer, possibly from his exposure to Agent Orange, a chemical used in the Vietnam war.  His kidneys shut down when he was so very ill and for the last five years he valiantly endured the painful side effects of dialysis and the harshness of chemo therapy.

     

Doug was a good man who always thought of others more than himself.  I’m so blessed to be his sister and I will miss him dearly. Several times we said goodbye to him when he was in the most critical condition.  The cancer and the chemo slowly ravaged his body and robbed him of his strength and eventually his life. The last time I saw him he was tired of fighting to stay alive.  He was very peaceful and had surrendered to his coming death.  He was a great example of enduring to the end, even in his suffering he didn’t complain.  I want to be as strong for my family and endure suffering as well as he did.      

                                   Doug was given the flag at my Dad's grave.

   

When the doctor first told me I had Parkinson’s, I thought it was something I could handle.  I believed that all I needed to do was change to a raw diet and everything in my body would heal quickly.  All my life I looked for the easy road and the short cuts.   I was sure I'd found the short cut to get well and I had hope for my future.  How naïve I was!  Parkinson’s is a horrible dis-ease, much worse than I thought and no easy road!

  

For two years I’ve done everything to get well; eat healthy, drink only pure water, exercise, take lots of nutritional supplements, pray, and fast, as well as cleanse the inner vessel. I’ve spent hundreds of dollars on supplements, doctors, healers and treatments to regenerate my body.  My family and friends have fasted, prayed and given me Priesthood blessings.  In spite of all this I still have Parkinson’s and it's going faster than I believed possible.  I've been through stages of shock, grief, denial, pride,  anger and self pity. 

Wilf has taken over the housework and the bills.  Our youngest daughter, Missy, is having her third baby without a mother to help her. This is not what I planned for my life. I’m tired and ready to surrender my life to God.  I know he has a plan for me, even though it may not be the plan I wanted.   It's time for me to surrender and let go of fear and anxiousness about my future.  

Parkinson’s is teaching me to conquer my fears and correct what is amiss in my life.  I am learning humility and lowliness of heart.   I just want to be peaceful and calm and put everything in God's hands.  I've tried so hard to get well that I forgot that Christ is the healer and not all the crazy things I do.  I need Him to rescue me from myself!  “Oh God, thy sea is so great and my boat is so small.” When the disciples of Jesus were out in a great storm, they cried to Him to save them, and he rebuked the wind and said unto the sea, “Peace, be still,” and the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.  Jesus said,  “Why are ye so fearful?  How is it that you have no faith?  Be not afraid, only believe?” 

I know I’m not alone in this boat,  the Savior, the creator of this world, is in the boat with  me and he will calm the storms that are raging all around.   He will tell me what to do, as I put my trust in him and keep moving my feet.  President Monson said, “Put your hand in the hand of God, and you will not be alone!”  As I put my hand in his He will lead me just like He did in Cambodia. 

                                              He leads me in Cambodia.

Wilf gave me a beautiful blessing and said we will see incredible things and have great joy in the future. I know the Savior can heal me, if it's His will.  I believe my liver and kidneys can heal, and my nervous system can regenerate. I believe my body can heal and repair itself  but I need to accept the “easiness of the way.”   Becky continually reminds me to surrender to God’s plan for me and be happy, laugh and have more fun.  

Wilf is a happy enthusiastic and very affectionate man with a very tender heart.  He always wanted me to be more fun loving and free flowing but I have resisted and insisted that I maintain a more serious personality.  He tells me I need to eat more hot dogs and read more fiction!  Perhaps I should have followed his counsel.  He is so good to me, when he massages my hand or my foot the tremors calm down immediately and I finally relax.  It feels so very good and is healing to my tired muscles.  He patiently and tenderly helps me in so many ways and never complains.  He is so good to give me Priesthood blessings when I ask him.  I couldn’t get through Parkinson's  without him! 

                                        My fun loving affection caregiver!

We are celebrating  our 50^th anniversary! I’m so grateful that he  stayed with me all these years and I’m grateful for our beautiful family.  We truly have joy and rejoicing in our posterity!

                                         His persistance paid off! 

   

I'm very grateful Wilf is still strong and healthy, even with his swallowing problems.  His throat has miraculously opened many times this past year, now he is much more careful when he eats.  God truly gives us many chances to do better.  I’m grateful we are now on the same path, taking responsibility for our health so we can be instruments in God’s hands.  

I’m tired of resisting what is.  The tremors are taking a huge toll on me, perhaps my life would have been easier if I hadn't resisted all drug support. It's time for me to accept the fact that drugs will be a part of my life with Parkinson's.   I can resist the process or surrender but when I  resist I’m  on my own,   when I  surrender I  walk with God.  Resistance is trying to change things from what they are to what we want, bringing frustrations and false expectations.   Acceptance clears away stress as soon as it comes, and makes it much easier. 

Marianne Williamson said “Surrender doesn’t obstruct our power;  it enhances it.”  Surrender is letting go of control and allowing yourself to go with the flow of life, rather than struggling against it.  Controlling people lack this flexibility and humility; they insist on being in charge of events. This promotes disharmony within themselves and their environment.  Unable to simply allow, they never truly experience the joy and peace of going with the flow of life.   Dr. Mary Neal said:   

“Sometimes we put God in the back seat of our car.  We want him to be present, but not distract us.  We are not ready for him to drive the car.  God is patient and ever merciful.  He sits in the backseat just waiting for our invitation to move up to the front seat,   so that he can steer and press the pedals.  If we give him the car keys, he will take us on an unbelievable ride.”

  

I’m ready to move on to acceptance and surrender and  out of resistance and control. I can bless and be grateful for the Parkinson's drugs that will make this dis-ease easier.  I can ask God to make my burdens light then release it all to him.  I am ready to   surrender my entire life to him;  “I am your  instrument, what would you have me do?”  I will be  still and listen, and know that He is God. It’s not up to me to heal myself, our Savior is the great physician and healer.   I can choose to have peace, love and joy in this life because of Him and his atonement that makes everything all better!  

               
                  CELEBRATING ANOTHER BIRTHDAY 

CHAPTER TWENTY POSSIBILITIES

CHAPTER TWENTY

POSSIBILITIES

My session at Karyn’s revealed things that may be hindering the healing I’m working so hard to achieve.  She said my brain is confused when I send it mixed messages; wanting to die, but still working hard to get well.  No wonder my brain is confused!  My brain needs to hear from my own lips what I choose.  She said I still have a mission to finish, but I can shorten my time by wishing to leave.  I feel confused about what to choose - I want to live, if I can have my body back the way it used to be, but do I want to live in this condition?  It’s easy to feel hopeless when I see what Parkinson’s is doing to my body.  My future looks bleak and I want to go home!

  

In his book “Wishes Fulfilled” Dr. Wayne Dyer says: 

“The subconscious mind accepts as true what you feel is true.  Your feelings determine your reality because they’re impressed on the subconscious.  Consciously feeling hopeless, and entertaining this idea in your imagination, with even more imaginative feelings of hopelessness, will impress on the subconscious mind the idea of failure.  If you put the seed of failure into the subconscious and feed it with feeling that way, it will reproduce failure.  If you plant the seed of disease into your subconscious mind by feeling this way in your body, it will augment disease for you.  This is why it is so all-out crucial to begin feeling in your body what you would like to manifest into your life.  You can get to the point where the magnetic–like power in your own field of energy is so joyfully loving that you can have a mere flash of imagining and feeling something powerful and good, and with almost no  passage of time it will appear in your life!  Whatever you wish to manifest, associate a feeling of love with it and impress that feeling on the subconscious mind and it will do the rest.  Think thoughts like, I am well, I am strong, I am prosperous, and I am employed;  place them into your imagination, and then assume the feeling of that wish fulfilled.  If you can experience the feeling of love, joy, exhilaration, peace, and happiness in your body - even when your sensations are contradictory – your subconscious records the feelings.   The subconscious is the womb of creation.”

I’ve been focusing on what I don’t want instead of what I want, thereby creating what I don’t want in my life!  This is a very powerful awakening!  Is it possible that I am creating what I fear?  Whenever my thoughts stray to the negative, I can delete them and think about having vibrant health.  I can feel good right now if I put a smile on my face, walk with a bounce in my step, hum or sing a song,  think happy thoughts, and express love and affection. 

When you know something in your head doesn’t mean you really know it.  The longest journey is from the head to the heart.  Once you have it in your heart then you really know it,  you own it and you’ve  made it  yours.  I believe I can improve in energy, vigor and strength even with Parkinson’s.  Can I also program my heart as well as my mind to believe that?   Jesus said, “All things are possible to him that believeth.”

 

     

                                        Be not afraid, only believe!

I can tell my brain, “Today I choose to live, and I choose to get well”  and  imagine what it feels  like to be well, then  trust that God  will make everything  work out for my best good.   When I wake up each morning I will choose life and health,  then walk through the day with faith!  

 

If I let go of my fears and all the jobs that must be done, I could fly to faraway  places in my imagination.   I must also let go of the belief that there’s never enough time or money, and all the things I should be doing. I’m so like Martha – careful and troubled about many things.  I’ve put so many limitations on myself!   All my life I could play only after my work was done, but my work was never done!  It’s time to see life through Mary’s eyes and choose the better part – the world beyond my self-imposed limitations and illusions. 

                        Seeing life through the eyes of my grandchildren.

Can I enjoy my celestial wings   and fly in the realms of my full potential?    In my quiet place, I can listen to my dreams, and imagine what is possible.  If I could l would be well again and fly free with the birds over fields and trees.  I would fly to faraway places over seashores and mountains and visit my beloved friends in Cambodia.  Once I had experienced a world without fears and limitations, I would know that all my dreams are possible and I would never be the same.  I couldn’t go back to my old world having now expanded my views into new possibilities. 

Parkinson’s is teaching me to see things differently.  It’s okay to be comfortable doing nothing and enjoy those quiet moments resting and relaxing.  God is giving me time to pause and rest – there will always be more to do!  This past year I’ve had many adventures, even with Parkinson’s.   I did more hiking than any other time in my life;   we hiked in Zion’s Park with Ron and his family,   to Ensign Peak with Cindy and her little girls, and to Cecret Lake in Albion Basin.   We bought walking sticks to help me balance and stop the tremors in my hand.  My raw diet has given me more energy to hike in the beautiful mountains and work outside in my gardens. 

 

 Hiking in Zion's with Ron's family.

In the fall, we traveled with our family on a business trip to see a factory in upstate New York.  I took my blender, raw food,  cooler, supplements and Asea water.  I didn’t think it would be worth all that packing, but I was wrong.  It was an awesome trip with my family and so worth it!  I felt great, I stayed mostly raw and I kept up with their activities.   We shared special forever moments in the Sacred Grove and Palmyra.   I loved walking the path around the beautiful resort and going to the spa with the girls, while the men were in their meetings.  The tremors were minimal and I felt great.   My heart was happy and grateful to be alive and be with my family. 

                                             Wilf and I visit the Sacred Grove.

We had a wonderful deer hunt camp, the best one we ever had.  The weather was perfect and there was a good spirit in camp.  It’s wonderful seeing the love in the Stagg family, probably coming from the family reunions we had years ago, plus the sweet new babies in camp.  The young married couples are strong and good.  I had amazing energy, and Paulette and I walked together for a couple of miles.  It’s been a year of wonderful experiences in spite of Parkinson’s.

                                           Stagg family Deer hunt.

We also traveled to Lava Hot Springs, Flaming Gorge, Arizona, and California for our granddaughter, Brittany’s wedding in the Newport Beach temple.  We also traveled to Washington DC. to attend Sopheak and Gabriel’s wedding in the temple.  After their beautiful wedding they were sealed to Gabriel’s young son.  In Cambodia, Sopheak was like a daughter to us.  She was fresh from Cambodia and glowing with excitement for her new life in America.

                        Sopheak and Gabe married in Washington D.C. Temple.
    

There is enough time to do the things that are really important. Time and space are not the way I have perceived them.   The obstacles to all my desires are really only energy…not brick walls,  and those energies can be transformed.  All my limitations are in reality…transformable energy. There are unexplored realms of perception all around us,  it is said that we rarely use more than 10% of our mental capabilities,  doing the same things and getting the same results.  What if it’s possible to access the 90% of our unused mind?   What would happen if I aged in reverse every day?  It’s possible that I’ve found a way to turn back the clock by eating foods that regenerate and heal the body and doing  things that bring vibrant health.

I want to be open to all possibilities, and willing to listen rather than do all the talking.  I always wanted to be in control, but control is only an illusion.  Parkinson’s appears to have total control over my body.  The evidence appears very real to me, but if I stay open to all possibilities I allow for opportunities beyond my wildest dreams.  Dr. Wayne Dyer said:

“We can have a positive vision quest – so powerful, so transforming to all we encounter!  Just keep working at your vision – the picture inside your head of how you want things to be.  This is creative visualization – if you can visualize and create it in your mind, then you can create it in your reality.  If you are looking for divine guidance you will receive it.  Watch for it, it will come if you desire it.  Ask and you shall receive! All good things come from God.  If we need healing we must first go to God, the source of all healing, then watch for the tools he sends to help us in our healing.  Nothing happens by chance, everything has meaning, so pay attention to what is showing up every day.” 

                                    Your future is as bright as your faith!

My “divine appointment” in the early morning is my time to sit quietly and visualize what I want in my life, and tap in positive affirmations:  “I am strong!  I am healthy!  I am God’s instrument of love!  He supplies all my needs!  There is enough and to spare!  I have enough time!  I have enough love!  I have enough money!  I am a believer!  I forgive myself and others.  I let go of old resentments and hurt feelings.  I am filled with the Spirit of the Lord.”

In his book “The Power of Intention” Dr. Dyer shares ways to stay in the higher vibrations of healing:      

1.“Become aware of your home environment – paintings, crystals, books, colors and arrangement of furniture create energy.  Stay in high energy surroundings.

2. Reduce the exposure to the low energy of television.  Every photograph contains energy so arrange beautiful, happy pictures around you. 

3. Become aware of the energy levels of your friends and family.  Stay in the energy field of high energy people and your low energies will raise to higher energies.

4.   Be aware of your feelings and activities and where they take place.  Immerse yourself in nature, service, and spiritual places.  Get or receive a massage.  Extend acts of  kindness, asking nothing in return. 

5.  Be specific about your desires and intentions, write them down, “I intend to heal myself”  Written affirmations have an energy of their own.  Read them daily.

Whatever trial I’m going through I’m not alone.  We must lift and strengthen each other in the great and important days ahead.  Whatever the difficulties confronting us, and  impossibilities surrounding us, we can have faith in the Son of God, who said, “Be not afraid, only believe.” The Prophet Moroni said:

“Behold I say unto you that whoso believeth in Christ, doubting nothing, whatsoever he shall ask the Father in the name of Christ  it shall be granted him; and this promise is unto all, even unto the ends of the earth.”  Mormon 9: 21

Do not doubt but believing!  Believing is beyond faith!  There are two classes of people in the world: believers and non believers. To the non believers everything is false until proven true;  to the believers everything said in good faith is true unless proven otherwise. Skepticism comes from fear, but I've always been a believer!  

Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can’t, you are right.”  It’s not what you look at, it’s what you see.  I see miracles and possibilities, and I choose to find joy in life in spite of Parkinson’s!

                                                           I made it to the top!

CHAPTER NINETEEN PROMISES

CHAPTER NINETEEN

PROMISES

When we attended the baptism of our sweet granddaughter, Serenity, I was especially touched by the spirit that day.  I paid particular attention to the promises we make when we are baptized and I pondered the word promise.

                      

                                       Serenity's baptism day!

The spirit whispered to me that I made promises before I came to earth.  Did those promises include Parkinson’s?  Did I promise to be an example and a witness even with Parkinson's dis-ease? Perhaps I promised that I would teach others about the Savior and his gospel, and about the wonderful healing plants Heavenly Father created for us.  Perhaps I agreed to experience Parkinson’s and be an example of what happens when you don’t love and take care of your body.   

When we left our heavenly home perhaps we were given  counsel such as this: “You are called to go to the earth.  It will not be an easy task that I am requiring of you.  You will go through experiences that will refine you, polish you and perfect you.  You will have moments when you will want to stop the process, get off the earth and come home…but I urge you to carry on!  I urge you to discover your gift….the blessings in disguise….and to fashion and form a message from each one of your life’s experiences.  The hardest of your experiences, will sometimes bring the greatest messages.  There are others who need you to go and build bridges….and others who will need you to warn them of the cliffs where you walked.  Go now….be the gift…be the angel to someone else who may be waiting for your message…without even knowing that it is the perfect gift for their life’s mission.  Go, my child….be the Gift!  Live your message!  Bear witness by your life, of the gift of the Living Christ.”  I believe we knew the trials we would experience here on earth.  Elder Neil Anderson said:

”These fiery trials are designed to make you stronger, but they have the potential to diminish or even destroy your trust in the Son of God and weaken your resolve to keep your promises.  We need to trust in our Savior and believe that He will help us keep our promises. Don’t be surprised when they happen to you. Like the intense fire that transforms iron into steel, as we remain faithful during the fiery trial of our faith, we are spiritually refined and strengthened.” 

My cousin, Linda Rae Farmer Duffin, courageously endured a 14 year battle with breast cancer.  She recently passed away after it metastasized to her liver.  She had multiple surgeries, radiation treatment, and 7 series of chemotherapy treatments.  She learned to give her future to the Lord, trusting in him to decide her time in this life, and she looked forward to the time that He would take her home.   At the same times she lived her life with a driving passion to make the most of each day.  She said: 

“I believe from experience, that all things are in God’s hands, and we will come to a point where we must put our trust and love in him, if we are to successfully finish our journey here on earth.  Life is a huge blessing; while it entails struggles, suffering and pain for us and our loved ones,  its blessings are worth treasuring as long as life is given to us.” 

Sometimes I envy her, she fought a good fight and now she is free from her battles.  She left a marvelous legacy of faith and courage.  She is a great example to me!  The blessings of this life are worth treasuring as long as life is given to us!  I’m awed by the Lord’s abundant gifts to us.  He is pouring down blessings on our family business.  It’s a miracle they are paying their expenses and making payments on the money we gave them, making it possible for us  to pay for all our doctors and supplements.  God is truly making our burdens light!   

                                                     Abundant blessings! 

God gives us gifts to bless the lives of others.  I believe if you have a desire for something you probably have a gift in that area.   My gifts are a believing spirit, and a love for all of God’s children, and his beautiful healing plants and herbs.  With these gifts I can lead others to see their gifts and blessings.  God sends his light workers to shine their beautiful light and share his perfect love with everyone.  If you have a desire then you are called to the work.  I have a desire to do his work;  I  cannot use Parkinson’s and the tremors as an excuse to hide my light and my gifts under a blanket.   I came to earth to be a light worker.  I’ve always known this, and the adversary also knows this.  He’s tried to take away my voice and my confidence, but even with Parkinson’s I still have light to shine. He tries to stop us from shining our light and keeping our promises.

                                    Keeping promises in Cambodia!

Some days I feel like my diet is too little too late, in these dark moments I feel I have no purpose, so I pray for strength to accept my path, let go and let others help me.  I can no longer base my life on getting things done the way I used to.   I can be happy and positive, in spite of my losses and my weakening shaking body.  I cannot justify hiding and shrinking because of the tremors, which are directly connected to emotions and behaviors from my DNA.  I believe I promised to overcome and heal that DNA, and find the peaceful personality that is really me!  I'm grateful for many wise friends who help me see truth.  My friend,  Sharon, told me:

“Just think, if your weren't still having tremors you wouldn't push so hard to get well,  think of all the other areas of your body that are healing, and if you’re  positive and happy that is a good thing.  Sometimes it’s difficult to be patient with the rate we heal, and it’s easy to think we’re not progressing. Who knows how many others problems you would have if you hadn't focused so much on healing Parkinson's.  It’s important to be content wherever we are in life and be happy with what is. There’s learning in your struggle and in the journey.  You are fulfilling your purpose, even if you feel life has passed you by.   You are in your perfection doing what you need to do. Gods ways are not our ways, aging is part of the plan and all that goes with it.  Perhaps you were involved with a Parkinson’s class on the other side  and you agreed to have this experience - to let others be of service to you in this physical earth realm,  learn  how it is to receive, to learn about loving your body as it is, and being grateful for each tremor and weakness. These are ways the spirit learns.  Life lessons are not easy, but it’s our thoughts that betray our happiness. Remember, others are watching how well and gracefully you handle your afflictions. God has given you great teaching moments.”

Her words are true, I’ve already had many teaching moments and I’ve felt the spirit speaking through me. I’ve learned many lessons and I more fully understand God’s purposes and gifts for me.   In order for us to fully receive the atonement,  we all  must feel a certain volume of pain.  The Lord turns up the volume as we go.  We agreed to experience the pain – “I will go – send me.”  The Savior knows the full magnitude of our soul’s purpose.  When we overcome our fears and go forward with faith and courage, to fulfill that purpose, we start a new path for the generations that follow us.     Take whatever your talent is and magnify it – ask the Lord to help you know what your gift is and how to magnify it.  Ask what your soul’s purpose is.  We receive not because we ask not.  Gifts of the spirit are not for the one who has them as much as they are for serving others, but sometimes they are a burden! 

Perhaps learning to live with Parkinson’s is my soul’s purpose!   When I listen to my heart I know I’m alright where I am.  When I listen to my thoughts I feel hopeless and afraid of the future. It's easy to think others have more life, but the truth is my life has been full and abundant.   I know many who didn’t get as much life as I’ve had, including my sister, my cousin, and my brothers.  

I believe I promised to stand as a witness!    Everyone has been chosen to stand where they are, no one else can do their mission!  All of my children have their own unique mission, very different from mine, but so important to lift and bless the lives of others.   The Prophet announced the new age for missionaries, an exciting change that will impact my family as well as the entire world.  It’s such an exciting time to be alive. Many in our family will fulfill their promises to be missionaries.    How glorious to be a part of that great army of missionaries!

   

Welcome home to a special grandson!

“Wherever you now find yourself on the road of discipleship, you are on the right road…together we can lift and strengthen one another in the great and important days ahead.  Discipleship is believing in Christ, in seasons of peace and in seasons of difficultly, when our pain and fear are calmed only by the conviction that he loves us and keeps his promises.”  Elder Neil Anderson

                            Future missionaries among our grandsons!

Life passes by so quickly.  Buried deep within each of us is the perfect record of who we are and what our heart desires.  This knowledge will lead us to our souls purpose and mission.  My new mission is to take care of my health and be a witness for truth.  I cherish each day that I can still do good things with my sweet husband.  I can find peace and joy in this new phase of my life! 

                                           Finding peace and joy.

Sometimes we wonder why the miracle we pray for doesn’t happen, but as we trust in the Savior His promised miracles will occur, whether in this life or the next. I believe that God’s promises are true, that he has work for me to do and will carry me when I cannot walk.   In spite of Parkinson’s, I have promises to keep before I sleep!