CHAPTER FIVE
A NEW BEGINNING
I was happy to welcome the New Year 2011 and relieved that the old year was gone! It was a hard year because of the choices we made so quickly that brought so much turmoil to our life. In this New Year I hoped to make wiser choices and find answers for our health problems. Moving was harder than we ever thought it would be, we felt like we were in a bad dream, but it was real and there was no turning back. I felt it was urgent that we get settled in our new life as soon as possible. Perhaps it was just to be closer to our family for whatever changes were coming. We invited our children to be with us when Wilf gave a beautiful dedicatory prayer on our new home.
Another brand new house!
I always loved new beginnings, a brand new house, a new ward and new friends, but this time things were different. I felt old and tired when we went to our new ward. It was easy to hide behind Cindy and her beautiful family; we didn’t have to be anybody special, just Cindy’s parents! Now we were with Cindy and her highly esteemed family it didn’t matter if we belonged. I’ve always felt like I have to be somebody special to belong. Another paradox - I want to be an invisible person in the background, but then I feel left out. When people think we are special I want to run and hide, so we move again! Is moving my escape from people’s expectations? Will I come up with a new escape when I can no longer move? Life is a mass of confusion to me! The truth is I don’t need more friends or to be highly esteemed. I just want to be a quiet unnoticed old lady doing the right thing!
Old age was coming upon me faster than I thought it would. I could feel my body losing strength and my life force slipping away. My beautiful handwriting was shrinking with my shaking hand and my voice was weak, my face looked wrinkled, the pain in my spine was constant, my eyes were clouding over and my hearing seemed worse. I felt like I was 80 years old instead of 67. What was happening to my body? It was too soon for me to be an old woman, there was still so much I wanted to do, but I felt time was running out on me.
Another birthday celebrated with family.
We planned to go on a three week cruise to Antarctica and Argentina while our house was being built, but it was finished much sooner than we thought. The house was ready to move in the week before we left for the cruise, but with tons of boxes to unpack and Missy ready to have her second baby, it was a very bad time to leave. The Lord had another plan for us. Three days before the cruise Wilf’s esophagus shut down and we had to cancel the cruise. Usually when food gets stuck drinking lots of water opens it up, but this time it was really stuck. Tyson and Kirk gave him a blessing as he got weaker and began dehydrating. We still hadn’t found a doctor who could understand his problem, so we went to the emergency room where they opened his throat. Dr. Karnum was appalled when he saw how serious and dangerous his condition was. He said absolutely no solid food, only liquids until they decided what to do. The cruise which we already paid for was definitely out! Even though we lost $14,000 I chose to let go and find the gifts we were given - three extra weeks to unpack, we would be there for the birth of Missy’s baby and Wilf was alive! We were very blessed!
We unpacked what seemed like thousands of boxes we brought from Grantsville, the cabin and those the movers brought. As I sifted through the never ending “stuff” I wondered how I got in a mess like this. I didn’t care about most of it and wanted to give it away. Since our mission worldly things were nothing to me, only a burden! This last move showed me the most important things in my life - my health, my family and the gospel. All the stuff we’ve collected all of our life doesn’t matter, and may even keep us from being instruments in the Lord’s hands.
When I resumed my routine after months of moving chaos, my body could barely perform my core strengthening exercises. It was urgent that I resumed my healthy routines to slow down the aging process. Enduring to the end requires more strength, diligence and discipline than I ever thought and depression easily sets in. Financial problems of the business weighed heavily upon us, our larger home was more work, and we had to put in a yard! What were we thinking starting over at our age?
Wilf, napping in the car with grandsons.
I was surprised how much I missed my friends in our old ward. I wish I’d’ taken advantage of the many friendships we had there, but we were gone so much serving in Rose Park and Cambodia. It was the season to travel and serve while we still had our health, but we paid a price for our absence. People moved on without us and we felt like we never got to know them. I wish I could live my life over again and be more confident and friendly. Perhaps I would be wise enough to recognize the lies of the adversary who is the spoiler and the slanderer!
We finally found a doctor who would help Wilf. Dr. Karnum was very concerned and caring for Wilf and his condition. He referred us to a surgeon who scheduled surgery within two days. Wilf was in the hospital for four days after Dr. Belnap rebuilt the opening to his esophagus from his stomach. We had high hopes that this problem was finally solved and we thanked heaven for angel doctors who cared about us!
It felt good to get our life in order, we could have been someplace in South America with Wilf not being able to swallow. Heavenly Father was surely blessing us! Perhaps our season of travel was coming to an end. Missy was ready to give birth to her second baby and our family needed us as they struggled to raise their children. Perhaps this was our mission, to help our family!
Wilf teaching the boys to clean fish.
One year earlier we didn’t even know we would be moving; now we were almost settled in our beautiful new home with a place for everything and everything in its place. It was a miracle and a brand new beginning!
No comments:
Post a Comment