CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE ARISE VICTORIOUS

CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE 

ARISE  VICTORIOUS

When I first started this book I chose most of the chapter titles, including this one!  I really believed that I would arise victorious over Parkinson’s dis-ease.  Now I wonder what the purpose of this book is; perhaps I am the only one who will ever be helped by it.    When I get overwhelmed I can read my own book and be inspired once again!   Writing is good therapy for me and a filter that helps me separate the good from the bad. 

I still haven’t conquered all my fears or healed myself from Parkinson’s.  This isn’t the way I wanted my book to end,   so I’m rethinking the word victorious. Will I ever have the victory? Did I set my standards too high?  What is healing anyway?  Healing is accepting God’s will instead of your own, and it is gaining Godly confidence in who you really are, not who you thought you were.  Healing is becoming whole again.  I’ve learned many things on this healing journey, but I still don’t consider myself whole.  Maybe that‘s why I still have Parkinson’s.  Karyn says l have repressed fears deep inside that are making me sick, and need to be healed.  Perhaps we will never heal all the hidden wounds deep inside, that’s why we need our perfect Savior to heal us from all the effects of the darkness of this world.  In the end we will rise victorious because of him!

I’m also rethinking my beliefs about aging.  Instead of hating the aging process I can make it a positive, vibrant and healthy experience by changing my thoughts.  These years can be the best years of my life – my wisdom years.  I can notice and feel joy more often.  I can eliminate negative thinking.  I am free to do what I want each day.  I can choose to love who I am and where I am, appreciating each and every moment.  This is the example I want to leave my children and grandchildren so they can also enjoy happy, wonderful lives until the very end.

                                          Hiking with my grandchildren.

The youth worshipping society we’ve created makes wrinkles and graying hair a bad thing.  Our cells respond to the way we feel about aging; every thought creates a chemical reaction in the   body.  We can bathe our cells in healing love or we can create poisonous reactions within us and delay the healing process.  When we honor and appreciate our bodies our health greatly improves.  Deepak Chopra says nothing makes people age faster than fear, but grief runs a close second.  There are inner qualities of courage and faith in God that we can summon in times of dreadful crisis.  We can change our belief systems by getting out of the victim mode; as long as we see ourselves as powerless individuals we will never progress.  We can take charge of our own health and stop depending on doctors to fix us.  

  

I do everything I can to slow down this dis-ease.  I have regular acupuncture treatments and Oxygen therapy.  I walk one mile every morning and exercise with weights to keep my strength.  My diet is mostly raw foods and fresh juices and I drink wheat grass juice as often as possible. Playing the piano is one of the best things I do for my hands as well as my brain.  I do everything I can to take care of my healtlh, but Parkinson’s is showing itself more than I hoped for.  My memory isn’t as good, and it’s getting harder for me to speak.  I’m much weaker and slower than I was a few months ago. It’s hard for  me to eat with my shaking hand. The tremors on my right side have become almost unbearable, so I had no choice but to take the Parkinson’s drugs. now I take them regularly and they make the tremors manageable.   I’m grateful to have something that brings some relief!    

I am accountable for what I am creating in my life.  I was so resistant to  taking the   medication, it’s possible I made my life harder. My beliefs are based on many negative experiences with drugs, but I had to change and be open to the possibility that my life would be better with them than without them.  I can take them with fear or gratitude.  Whatever I believe will manifest so I choose gratitude.  To create my new world  I must  let  positive feelings of love fill every  space inside, then imagine what I want and believe it will come.  My faith can make me whole! 

“For if there be no faith among the children of men God can do no miracle among them, wherefore, he showed not himself until after their faith.  And neither at any time hath any wrought miracles until after their faith; wherefore they first believed in the Son of God.  And there were many whose faith was so exceedingly strong, even before Christ came, who could not be kept from within the veil, but truly saw with their eyes the things which they had beheld with an eye of faith.”  Ether 12: 12, 18, 19

If we can imagine it, we can create it with enough faith! We can truly see with our eyes the things we imagine with an eye of faith.  At a certain level of spiritual awareness, ailments of the body heal, or spontaneously disappear. Fear and doubt are the obstacles that keep us from realizing the things we imagine.   Fear is the fan in the background, everything tells us to be afraid, so we attract fear.  We raise our self up when we believe that everything good is coming and live as if it were already true.    I feel more joy, more gratitude, and more love as I rise up out of fear.  Joy is a spiritual gift telling us we’re on the right path.  Victory over our self brings great joy when we see the changes in our life! 

                                         Our fearless daughter and son.  

 

When we find our connection to God and our own divinity all fears disappear and spiritual joy occurs on a new level. The experience of time stops and there’s no apprehension, regret, or pain, and our joy is ever present.  There is no loss, grief or desire and nothing needs to be done, for everything is already perfect and complete.  Raising one’s consciousness to this level is the journey within and the pathway out of darkness into the light and the wholeness of the soul.  We’ll stop the chase and the madness and the striving for perfection, and see that everything was always perfect. 

                       Marissa,  strong and faithful granddaughter.

“Awake and arise from the dust, O Jerusalem; yea, and put on thy beautiful garments, O daughter of Zion…that thou mayest no more be confounded…yea come unto Christ and be perfected in him.” 
                                                                                         Moroni 10: 31,32

We can receive strength from our precious Savior, Jesus Christ, and go forward into the light with him. The more love, compassion and forgiveness we have, the more we’ll feel his presence and heal our hearts.  I’m disappointed that I still have Parkinson’s after all I’ve done to get well, but perfect love admits disappointment and lets go of expectations, judgments, fears, and doubts. 

“All the pieces of our life must come together on a higher level, until at last our journey through this realm of darkness is over, and we will have come home into the light.  We will be free of all the fears which have clung to us for so long.  The world will leave behind everything that has distorted humanity and kept us in darkness, and we will climb up into the light together.  The Lord has prepared a way for us to rise above the terror, fear and evil of this world.” 

                                 Marissa, conquering fears in Cambodia!

This is not the end of the journey but the beginning.   When we see that life is a joyous and happy adventure, not a path of sorrow and trouble, then we will enjoy the journey.  Fear and sadness are only illusions, when we walk into the darkness it lifts, the light appears and we see there is nothing to be afraid of or sad about after all.

It’s been a marvelous year in spite of Parkinson’s and our other health problems.  Our children gave us the most wonderful 50^th wedding anniversary celebration.  It was the happiest day of my life.  Our marriage is the sweetest blessing we have.  After years of struggle trying to work out our differences we have become very much alike.  We are truly one in all things and not   complete without each other.
 

                                          Celebrating 50 years of marriage!      

We take one day at a time with Wilf’s swallowing problem and we don’t know what the future holds with Parkinson’s dis-ease. It’s all in God’s capable hands, not ours!   We are truly walking into the unknown, in every aspect of our life, taking one step at a time, one day at a time.  We keep moving our feet, knowing that there will always be something to stand on or we will be taught how to fly.  Missy delivered her third baby, another son who is healthy and strong. He is our 34th grandchild, and we have five great grandchildren.  We are blessed with beautiful babies and we’re just getting started!   

                                                  Welcoming new life!

                                                

Kami is getting married and it's possible there will be more weddings soon! They are a beautiful, talented couple with a bright future. We are excited to see the wonderful things our grandchildren will do!  We are still involved with our boys business, and we're happy and  grateful for the success they're having.

                                        Kami and Jimmy,  a happy couple.

I’m getting ready to have the Stem Cell Therapy and other possible treatments. I still have hope that my brain and nervous system are regenerating and I can reverse this dis-ease, but I realize that complete healing will only come through Jesus Christ. I know that He has a plan for me and nothing can separate me from His love.  I need not fear the future, the future is as bright as my faith.  As long as I’m able I’ll spend my time bringing souls to Christ, helping them heal their hearts so they will be found on the side of the righteous.   I will write and speak out as long as I can.      

                                    Speaking to my family, in spite of shaking.

    

“But I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance.” 1 Nephi 1: 20   

Because of our Savior my future is bright no matter what my age is.  I have more than enough time, space and energy for what is important.  I can make my later years my treasure years!  This is my time to receive and graciously accept help.   It can be a precious season of my life as I allow others to help me and show love and gratitude to them. I can turn my grief to gratitude as I contemplate my many blessings and my long life of good health.

I will be victorious through the Lord, Jesus Christ.  He will give me the strength I need to endure to the end, until I am finally released from this life.  I look forward to a glorious resurrection and a perfect body that no longer shakes, and not one hair of my head will be lost!  Whether I’m healed from Parkinson’s or not, I will have the victory!       

                       BEAUTIFUL GRANDDAUGHTERS!

 

                                                      

                                                       OUR FAMILY IN 2013

CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR NEARER, MY GOD TO THEE

CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR 

NEARER, MY GOD TO THEE

We drove our granddaughter, Katie, and her little son back to their home in Laramie, Wyoming.   It was a sweet blessing to be with them before she and Brad moved to Alaska for the summer.  We enjoyed the ride across the state of Wyoming and our short visit to Katie’s world.  Brad and Katie drove us around Laramie and showed us the campus where he attends college.  It was comforting to see how happy and excited they are about life! Katie is a wonderful,  happy mother and wife! 

                                          Katie and Brad and their little son.

On the way home we visited Martin’s Cove and Independence Rock on the Mormon trail.    It was a touching experience to be there and feel the spirit of those valiant pioneers, and see the names of the Provost family.  My great grandfather, David W. Provost, was six years old when his family crossed the plains in the Hodgett Company following the Martin Handcart company.  They suffered many hardships with the handcart company and were finally rescued.    All the way home, over every long stretch of highway, I pondered their journey to the Salt Lake Valley and marveled at their strength and their sacrifice.  We followed the last leg of their journey over Little Mountain down into the valley.

                                        Following in pioneer footsteps!

Their courage and strength is beyond my comprehension!  I’m grateful I didn’t have to make that journey over rugged mountains and across the many miles of those never ending plains.  Where did the pioneers find the faith and strength to keep going?  One man wrote in his journal that angels were with them and pushed the carts when their strength was gone.  He said it was all worth it because in their extremities they became acquainted with God.    In our extremities we can also become acquainted with God. 

                             Devils Gate,  pioneer crossing in Wyoming.

My journey is easy compared to theirs, but there are similarities in all journeys.  There are mountains to cross and rivers of tears to cross over;  the road goes on and on and requires faith in every footstep!   When my journey is too hard  I call upon the Savior to rescue me and give me strength to keep walking.  Sometimes, in my despair,   I feel that He isn’t there and I cry,  “Oh Lord where art thou, where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?”  Elder Eyring said,

“The pavilion that seems to intercept divine aid does not cover God but occasionally covers us.  God is never hidden, yet sometimes we are, covered by a pavilion of motivations that draw us away from God and make him seem distant and inaccessible.  Our own desires, rather than a feeling of thy will be done, create the feeling of a pavilion blocking God.  We may be unwilling to listen or submit to his will and his time.  Our feelings of separation will diminish as we become more childlike before him.  Jesus Christ lives, knows us, watches over us, and cares for us.  In moments of pain, loneliness, or confusion, we do not need to see Jesus Christ to know that he is aware of our circumstances.  We remove the pavilion when we feel and pray, “Thy will be done and in thine own time.”

Submitting fully to his will is essential to removing the spiritual pavilion that keeps me from him.   God’s time is not my time, but I am sure that He keeps His promises.  What is the price I must pay to know God and uncover His hiding place?  I will find Him in my extremities, when the road is too hard and my strength is gone.   If this journey brings me nearer to God then it will be worth it.

My daughter, Shelly and our cousin, Marina, and her boys came from California to search our common ancestors and their beginnings in Heber City.  Our great great grandparents, William and Sarah Giles, joined the church in England and along with their family, they crossed the ocean and the plains and settled in Ft. Heber with other pioneers.  They worked hard building a thriving community and beautiful city in the Heber Valley.  We were very excited when we found their graves, their homes and even some of the original Ft. Heber.  We rejoiced in our remarkable heritage and legacy of courage, strength and hard work these amazing ancestors left us.  With God’s help they accomplished miraculous things.  With God all things are possible!

                 Visiting  William Giles grave in Heber cemetery.

In two separate Priesthood blessings I was told to rely on the Savior.    Karyn told me that He is the answer to my healing.  She said:     

“The Savior is the divine physician over all aspects of the human being, physical, mental, emotional, vibrational, spiritual, energetic, cellular, molecular, skeletal, nervous and all frequencies related to the proper and perfect functioning of your mortal body and spiritual existence.  You take all orders and prescriptions from Him, eliminating all guesswork.  He has a piece of paper folded in his Hand with your perfect prescription written on it.  He alone, with God your eternal father knows exactly who has been delegated the stewardship of knowledge and invention to bring you comfort, relief and ease from your sufferings,  not any mortal physician.”

“You are a woman of great courage and faith.  You have a divine appointment scheduled before your birth to reunite with your eternal Father and Mother.  Your days will not be numbered less because of your diligence in preserving not only the quantity of years but the quality of existence.  The Lord knows your heart and your desire to serve him unhindered by any mortal weakness of body, mind, heart or spirit.  He alone diagnoses those who come unto Him.  He alone knows that perfect prescription.  You are not a guinea pig.  You have the ultimate source of truth available to you.  Your heart shall be made light.  Light will fill your being.  Light shall fill your cells, and your soul.  Be at peace, now.  Do not worry.  He or she who has gifts to offer you  will be blessed with the specific detail of your condition, so go to a Godly source who can be inspired for you and your specific needs.  This recipe of love, light and truth is divinely inspired for you.”     Karyn Grant

I was given this counsel as I faced my worst fear  - that I will lose the function of my body and not be able to do the things I’ve always done.  Like Martha, I’ve always been  about DOING many things.  I don’t know how to BE, like Mary.  But it’s in the very doing that I lose touch with God and become self sufficient.  I’m so busy DOING many good things there is no time left to choose the better part.  If I let go of the need to do things, this may be the sweetest part of my journey.  I may not be DOING as much but I am BEING  more and  becoming more.  Perhaps Mary had an illness and couldn’t DO as much as Martha and found her place BEING at the Savior’s  feet.   Jesus said:

“Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.”  Dooctrine & Covenants  88: 63

New doors are opening for me.  I was introduced to a doctor who is having success with Vibrational medicine and he sees miracles every day in his cancer clinic in Nebraska. I found a wonderful doctor at the Utah Valley Health Clinic in Provo who helps people with stage four cancer. After his  ozone therapy I felt better than I had for years.  He suggested I follow through with the stem cell therapy.  I'm doing everything I can to get ready for Dr. Steenblock's stem cell therapy in California.  There are many “pieces to this puzzle” and the Lord is directing me to each piece.  Dr. Steenblock says the body must first be cleansed to get the best results, so I’m cleansing heavy metals, yeast and parasites to prepare for his treatments.   Cleansing the body of toxins is like cleansing the inner vessel of old thought patterns. It isn’t easy; old rubbisih can be hard to get rid of.  The sins of the fathers may be “visited upon the children” but they do not need to stay.  Healing is possible!

                                    My granddaughter, Haley, teaches me! 

It’s not too late for me to find the happy, fun loving and carefree part of myself.  Transformation isn’t easy, even the butterfly breaking out of the cocoon struggles into its beauty.  Life is a stretching and opening process. “What the caterpillar calls the end, the rest of the world calls a butterfly”  Lao Tzu   Now I understand why I love butterflies!

A reminder from my friend!

This can be the best and freest time of my life, if I'll choose to find joy and enjoy what’s left of my life.  Inside me there is a joyful happy woman wanting to be free. I am a truth seeker.  I am a  woman of light.   As I celebrate my aliveness and follow the Savior I become Mary instead of the Martha I’ve always been.  I will rely on the Atonement of Jesus Christ to help me make this transformation, and endure my trials, sicknesses and pain.  All that is unfair about life will be made right through his Atonement. 

MY SHEPHERD WILL SUPPLY MY NEED   by Isaac Watts from Psalm 23

My shepherd will supply my need, Jehovah is His Name;  In pastures fresh, He makes me feed,  Beside the living stream.  He brings my wandering spirit back,  When I forsake His ways, And leads me for His mercy’s sake, In paths of truth and grace.  When I walk through the shades of death, Thy presence is my stay;  One word of thy supporting breath,  Drives all my fears away.  Thy hand, in sight of all my foes,  Doth still my table spread;  My cup with blessings overflows,  Thine oil anoints my head.  The sure provisions of my God,  Attend me all my days;  O may thy house be mine abode,  And all my work be praise!  There would I find a settled rest,  While others go and come,  No more a stranger, nor a guest,  But like a child at home.

It takes faith and courage to come nearer to God and walk with him, but I come from people with great faith and courage.  Karyn reminded me that Heavenly BEINGS are there to help me, not Heavenly DOINGS. She says my deceased Grandma Hattie is with me and understands what I’m going through, along with other ancestors and angels on both sides of the veil who want to help me on my journey.   We must come nearer to God to become acquainted with Him!   

The journey can be long and hard!.

CHAPTER TWENTY THREE THE TREASURE WITHIN

CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

 THE TREASURE WITHIN

We took a quick trip to California with Cindy and her girls to help our granddaughter, Hannah in the Miss Fountain Valley Pageant.   Hannah was a shining star on stage, modest, feminine and beautiful!  She won a $2000 scholarship as the second runner up even though she is only 17 years old. 

                          Hannah, 2nd runner up to Miss Fountain Valley.

We are amazed by our beautiful granddaughters, all pageant princesses, and all shining examples of purity, modesty and femininity.  They are happy, loving and delightful young women!  Their energy is bright and full of light.  Unlike my generation they know who they are; they are the children of light!  They are here to lead us to the light and help us see our true identity.        

Kami and  Bethany, Miss Lehi Outstanding Teen.

A wise healer said,  “Go  within or go without”  We are divine within.  The divine presence is the treasure within! It is the perfect love inside and the divine nature.  Our true self is the child of God.  The fearful self is the imposter and the mask we wear.  Life is a journey of self-discovery; we spend our life trying to be someone else while our true self waits patiently for us to come to it. When God reveals to us our true self there is much more of us to find.  When we awaken the divine presence within we become God’s light bearers, then everyone is touched by his light that shines through us.   The peace and presence of God fills our mind, giving us spiritual vision to see everything as he created it.   Children get it right away and live every day with delight, but we adults have forgotten that we are divine, we are joyful and we are creators!  

                                            Our joyful grand children!

What greater prison is there  than the darkness of fear and self doubt.   Most of my life I feared I would never be good enough, but I didn’t need to prove my worth to anyone.  Our true self doesn’t need fame, recognition or approval.  Recently I had surgery on my face to remove cancer.  The scar is much bigger than I thought it would be and one more blow to my disappearing ego.  It’s another reminder that it’s not the outward appearance that counts but what’s on the inside.  Why do I still seek the approval of others?  My search for approval leads to frustration and disappointment and makes my tremors worse.  If I were to reclaim my little child what would I find?  Perhaps I’d find a beautiful, happy and delightful little girl full of love, like my granddaughters.  That little girl is my true self and she is already perfect.

 

                                        Mylee,  happy and delightful little girl.

We are divine within and we were sent here to find that divinity.  We don’t have to worry about what people think, and we don’t have to be all things to all people.  I can love and accept myself in spite of my looks, fears and weaknesses.  If we are confused about whether we are lovable, strong and valuable we will never find out by trying to prove it to our self.  Earning love by acting nice or looking good always ends in failure because we always come back to self doubt,   where we began in the first place.  The search for love ends when we look inward and find our true self.  After all the layers of the onion are peeled off we find that we are love, and we are divine.  Life is a beautiful journey when we conquer our fears and find our true divinity.  

It’s there waiting to be uncovered, but often we are so busy trying to avoid pain and disappointment that we cannot find the peaceful divine child within or see the love all around us.   Within us there is a sanctuary we can retreat to at any time and be our self.  It’s a simple awareness of comfort and love which cannot be violated by the turmoil, drama or pain around us. It is the mental space we find in quiet meditation and surrender.

“Fill the chalice of the soul with the living waters of the Spirit and step into the Light.  Before the chalice can be filled, it must first be emptied of all the littleness of anger and hurt, all the rubbish we carry around inside us.  Many prefer their limited self which contains very little compared to the great ocean of the Spirit, which contains everything.  If we are unwilling to give up the little self, we cannot enter the eternal joy of the Spirit.”    John-Rogers 

All of our difficulties, our pains and troubles must be loved and embraced, for these are the lessons we have chosen to learn.  We must surrender our old ways of thinking and walk on in trust, accepting all that happens to us – even if we don’t understand it – as a gift from God.  “Let go and let God” take care of everything.  Prayer is the most powerful force for change:

“Please God, help me find the divine presence within, living in wholeness, joy and love.  Bring the radiance of your light into my heart and mind so I can manifest your will upon the Earth. Wherever my thoughts have strayed from love, please help me see differently, and please open my heart to the perfect love inside.”

Life is not a problem to be solved, it’s a journey of awakening. Albert Einstein said, “The significant problems in our lives cannot be solved at the same level of understanding we were at when we created them.”    Addictive cravings are actually a craving for divine love, but love is already within us; we don’t need a substance or another person in order to feel loved. We know we are living in our true self when we are more loving and caring toward our self and others.  The divine nature brings calmness and peace, it inspires others to greatness, and it creates health instead of sickness. 

                                       Grandchildren bring love and great joy!  

  

When we visualize the very best of our self and feel the joy and love flowing within, we are experiencing our divine nature, our real self!  Instead of seeing yourself as a stressed out human being seeking for a spiritual experience, see your true self, a spiritual being having a human experience.  On some level I know I came to earth to be a healer, not a medical nurse like my sister, but a nurse to heal wounds of the soul.  As I help others find the path to healing, I will heal as well.  The truth of one’s real self can be discovered by living each day with love, caring and kindness to yourself and all that lives. This is true charity, the most powerful transformation force of all! 

“If ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth,  charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him….pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love.”   Moroni 7: 46-48

Louise L. Hay said “In order to permanently eliminate a condition, we must first work to dissolve the mental cause.”  Negative emotions such as fear, anger, and grief must be uncovered and released.  Failing to let go of these emotions can cause self-sabotaging behaviors, destructive beliefs, phobias and many chronic illnesses, making it much easier to  get into the drug cycle.  Our frequency adjusts according to our thoughts and emotions.  Those who worry, fret, and obsess have low frequencies while those who pray, meditate, give service and express love have higher frequencies.  This is a process of “ascension” and the journey of discovering and uniting with God.  Marianne Williamson said:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us.  We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, or fabulous?  Actually who are you not to be?  You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.  We are all meant to shine, as children do.  We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.  It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”                                                   

It’s safe to be powerful.  When I’m powerful in a loving way, it benefits others as well as myself!   I can learn to nurture without draining my energy.  I came to be a witness for truth, not a rescuer who takes others burdens on their own back.  The rescued often learn to give their problems away and never change.  I can help others see truth, but it’s up to them whether they want to change. Each one of us has the responsibility to find our own pathway to God.  Some choose to move away from the light and become sons of darkness, but this is only for a moment in the eternity of God. These sons of darkness will turn again to the light and fulfill their destiny.   

“Everything that lives sings in harmony with this song of nature’s symphony, except thoughts we think and then we weave, into theories of truth which we believe.  And these stubborn beliefs have made us blind to the sacred wonders within our minds, for that’s the place where magic dwells, and the music flows from boundless wells.”

                                              Believe in your self! 

Finding the true divine nature within will change your life in many ways.  It opens you to new possibilities, miraculous interventions, and healings. Changes are inevitable when you open your mind, heart, and life to the divine spirit.  These changes can be wonderful if you allow yourself to trust the process.   This is a divinely ordered universe.  Instead of worrying about how things will work out, we need to put our time and energy into holding positive thoughts about what we desire.  Through the law of attraction we will draw those situations and experiences into our lives. “Oh God, make me an instrument of thy peace until I awaken the divine in me.”  

 

                                             The age of discovery.  

Ancient Bones       by Valerieann J. Skinner

Found lying deep within the ruins, the ancient bones---appearing to be dead, the indestructible soul--spirit, the true Self---waiting to be fleshed out again. Here lie our truths and longings, waiting for creation.  Find the seed within, the perfect record of who you are.  Breathe into it the breath of life!  Discover for yourself, the Universe, as an ancient tree- growing, waiting to shoot forth new growth - the creation of your Divine Self, The Creator!

 

                                                The divine child is within.

If we can undo the source of pain, suffering and dis-ease in this life, we will rise to the level of joy that we came to experience.  “Man is that he might have joy,” but many of us see life as a struggle.  Few people know what it’s like to live without fear, but beyond fear is joy.  When life becomes effortless the source of suffering is gone.  A door in my mind is opening, “please let pure love, light and truth enter in and fill my soul, my mind, and my heart, and help me awaken the divine presence within me.”   Then I’ll see the richness of my soul and feel the presence of God in my heart – truly the treasure within!

Sarah, grandchild of light.

CHAPTER TWENTY TWO THERE IS SUNSHINE IN MY SOUL

CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

THERE IS SUNSHINE IN MY SOUL

“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.”  Helen Keller said this even though she couldn’t see the sunshine!  She was an amazing woman who overcame incredible obstacles.  She is proof that we can find hope in the very worst situation.  The first big change necessary for a successful journey is to learn how to find the good and the positive in the worst of times.

We spent the last days of 2012 in sunny California with our daughter, Shelly, and her beautiful family.  After being in the frozen world of Utah, sitting in the radiant sunshine on her front porch was a gift and blessing.  I almost stayed home because of my broken ribs, but Shelly encouraged me to come, reminding me that I would be in pain either at home or at her   place.  We enjoyed being outside breathing in the moist ocean. Wilf rode his bike while I walked around the streets in Shelly's neighborhood. It was good to be outside in the sunshine.

We had a consultation with Dr. Steenblock, a pioneer of  Stem Cell Therapy.  In just one week after we learned about him,  we were at his office in Mission Viejo, thirty minutes from Shelly's home.  This was a miracle to me!   Dr. Steenblock believed his treatments could help me, so I began the preliminary testing that day.  We spent a lovely week walking on the beach, watching the sun set over the ocean and enjoying the Holbrook family. 

We drove to Arizona where we rented a house next door to Jack and Denny. Lois and Ef Orgill, joined us after a few days and we spent the next three weeks enjoying the sun and Denny’s amazing kindness, meeting cousins and friends and picking delicious citrus fruit.  Wilf rode his bike every day and I walked around the streets, picking tangelos and oranges, and admiring the cactus and palm trees. I felt like I was in a healing spa; walking in the warm sun, exercising at the gym, swimming in the pool, reading in the sunshine and eating delicious citrus fruit while my broken ribs were healing.   It was just what doctors should prescribe.

Abundance of tangelos make me smile!

I felt so blessed and grateful to have this time to heal and soak up the sunshine.  It was a wonderful way to begin the new year, bringing hope of good things to come.  Sharron helped us pick a truckload of grapefruits, oranges, lemons and tangelos.  It’s such a blessing to take this delicious sun drenched citrus fruit back to frozen Utah.  These little  balls of sunshine would cheer and bless our family and remind me of God’s abundant gifts. After twelve hours driving through near zero temperatures with our truck load of citrus it was good to be home! 

                                  Sharron's oranges and grapefruit on one tree.

The next morning, I awoke to a freezing cold and grey world but there was sunshine in my soul.  My heart was filled with gratitude for the wonderful days in the sunshine, waiting for my ribs to heal. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for Denny, Jack, and Sharron and their amazing generosity. The Arizona sunshine is a beautiful gift for an ailing spirit, as is a loving husband who patiently cared for me while I was unable to do much of anything.  He kindly waited on me, helping me  in and  out of our truck and  doing everything for me that I couldn’t do for myself.

                                        Jack and Denny happy in Arizona.

Resting and relaxing in Arizona was so good for me. Everyone should  slow down and  pay attention to their health.  Our health is our greatest wealth, but we don’t realize it until it’s too late!  If we lose our health we lose everything.  The body is a wonderful gift we often take for granted.  I am filled with awe as I contemplate the amazing healing machine the body is, mending my broken ribs and hopefully regenerating new brain cells.  I’m grateful for my amazing body that heals itself!  As I think of all my blessings there is sunshine in my soul! President Uchtdorf said:

“No matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something in each day to embrace and cherish.  There is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy, if only we will see and appreciate it.  Perhaps we should be looking less with our eyes and more with our hearts.  One sees clearly only with the heart.  Isn’t it better to see with our eyes and hearts even the small things we can be thankful for rather than magnifying the negative in our current condition.”

 

An adversarial view of life motivates most of us.  We look at life as if it were a constant test, that life is tough, and only those able to overcome the trials and tribulations are able to survive.  There is energy in this view of life that eventually wears us down.  A visionary view looks at life from a different perspective.  Instead of “we have to,” it is “we get to.”  We then look at life as opportunities instead of challenges to overcome.  When we stay in higher levels of consciousness, inspiration comes.  We can all try to live this way, staying in a place of peace rather than dwelling on problems to overcome.  Problems do arise, but the visionary person works through these troubled times smoother, easier, and quicker than the adversarial person. Every day we find ourselves in situations where the outcome can be influenced by whether we react with fear or faith.  This goes beyond maintaining a positive attitude, it’s a feeling of a positive outcome. Visualize the desired outcome and enter into the feeling of success, not just hoping things will turn out, but experiencing the emotion as if they already have.  This is a wonderful way to live our lives.  It's the difference between living in the sunshine or living in the shadows.                                               

Gratitude is the power to give sight to the blind, it changes the way we see things! My beautiful life changed when I lost my sweet brother and my youthful vitality with Parkinson’s.  I feel like I became my Mom, especially since I broke my ribs; now I move slowly and carefully like an old person.  How did all this come about so quickly?   I can barely recognize my own life, but I’m very grateful for my life and my  many blessings! I gratefully acknowledge the 69 years of near perfect health that I’ve been blessed with.  My life has been a sweet dream compared to my cousin, my sisters, my brothers and so many who lost their health at an early age.  My body is a wonderful gift that has served me well these many years.    My heart is full of gratitude and compassion for my beautiful right hand, as I watch it work hard with tremors.  I send it love and healing and thank it for serving me well all of my life.  I bless all of my organs and send them gratitude.  Now I care for my body with love, kindness and appreciation and ask for forgiveness for taking it for granted all these years. I am very grateful for Wilf, my wonderful companion.  He is becoming an excellent care giver, like my Dad who took care of my Mom in her last years.

                                             My Dad, a good example!

President Henry B. Eyring’s children were very small when he started to write a few things each day.   He said:

“One night many years ago I heard in my mind,  “I’m not giving you these experiences for yourself.  Write them down.”  I was to record for my children to read, someday in the future, how I had seen the hand of God blessing our family.  As I kept at it, something began to happen.  As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done, that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day.  I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done.  More than gratitude began to grow in my heart."

My heart is full of gratitude as I recognize God's hand in my life each day.  'm grateful that our family business is doing well, growing and beginning to prosper and finally paying us back each month.  We’ve seen miracles happen with new lines and new employees.  I gratefully acknowledge God’s hand in these miracles.  True prosperity always has a spiritual basis, and true spirituality brings prosperity. Our family is prospering as they grow in righteousness.

                                          Amazing women in our family.

I’m grateful for our beautiful large family. They are all talented, smart and healthy.  Our children are great parents doing a marvelous job raising their families. We have great joy and rejoicing in our posterity.  These are peaceful and pleasant days and our family is doing well!  How blessed we are to live close to three precious daughters, granddaughters and a niece. I’m surrounded by sweet children and grandchildren who watch and pray for me, and help me.  

We are very grateful that our daughter, Laura, has found happiness with her new husband, Bob Love.  They have a big job with nine children between the two of them, but they are working hard together and are off to a good start!  We prayed for so many years that a good man would come to help her and our prayers have been answered.  

                              Happy wedding day for Laura and Bob!

We are very grateful for the Lord's hand in our life and his amazing grace that promises good to us! There is good in all things, even in bad situations.  In order to fully enjoy the good things in life, we must experience the bad things from a positive perspective.  We can’t enjoy the good if we haven’t experienced enough negative to recognize the good. Breaking my ribs was a big setback for me, increasing the tremors and weakening my muscles. The worsening  tremors made me question my earlier decision to be drug free. I tried the drug patches the doctor prescribed and got relief from the tremors.  As the patches became less effective, I started taking the Parkinson’s drugs. I miss the clear headed, drug free feeling and energy I used to have.  The drugs have created a dependency in my body; without them I have a new problem – restless leg syndrome. Even though I feel trapped in this drug cycle I'm grateful for the relief they give me. 

I’m grateful for the prayers of others in my behalf.  I believe that those who are prayed for generally live longer, heal faster, and require fewer medications than those who aren’t prayed for.  I believe that God will lead me through this just as He did in Cambodia He blessed me with gifts, talents, and strength to do things I never thought possible; to speak the language, play the piano, teach English and piano. I truly have experienced his hand in my life.  

      

                      Playing the piano for Relief Society in Cambodia.

In Cambodia I learned to walk with the Savior, but I forgot so easily when I returned to the comforts of my home. He never gives up on me, even though I keep messing up!    I want to fill my life with his light just like I did when I was a missionary.  There I climbed to the summit, saw the views and felt the highs.  Now I’m relearning how to live at the lower levels of life, while still hanging on to the memory of the joy and highs of being at the summit. When we are faithful and securely attached to the Savior, He will help us walk this mortal path, climb to the summit, and overcome every challenge of mortality! 

                                          Climb to Ensign Peak summit. 

I’m grateful for the testimony of our Savior that burns bright in my soul.  It is the sunshine in my soul. I have hope and visions of a bright future as I contemplate the great joy of the resurrection!  The scriptures teach:

“The soul shall be restored to the body, and the body to the soul; yea, and every limb and joint shall be restored to its body;  yea, even a hair of the head shall not be lost; but all things shall be restored to  their proper and perfect frame.  And then shall the righteous shine forth in the kingdom of God.”  Alma 40: 23,25

This glorious message brings sunshine to my soul!