CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE ARISE VICTORIOUS

CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE 

ARISE  VICTORIOUS

When I first started this book I chose most of the chapter titles, including this one!  I really believed that I would arise victorious over Parkinson’s dis-ease.  Now I wonder what the purpose of this book is; perhaps I am the only one who will ever be helped by it.    When I get overwhelmed I can read my own book and be inspired once again!   Writing is good therapy for me and a filter that helps me separate the good from the bad. 

I still haven’t conquered all my fears or healed myself from Parkinson’s.  This isn’t the way I wanted my book to end,   so I’m rethinking the word victorious. Will I ever have the victory? Did I set my standards too high?  What is healing anyway?  Healing is accepting God’s will instead of your own, and it is gaining Godly confidence in who you really are, not who you thought you were.  Healing is becoming whole again.  I’ve learned many things on this healing journey, but I still don’t consider myself whole.  Maybe that‘s why I still have Parkinson’s.  Karyn says l have repressed fears deep inside that are making me sick, and need to be healed.  Perhaps we will never heal all the hidden wounds deep inside, that’s why we need our perfect Savior to heal us from all the effects of the darkness of this world.  In the end we will rise victorious because of him!

I’m also rethinking my beliefs about aging.  Instead of hating the aging process I can make it a positive, vibrant and healthy experience by changing my thoughts.  These years can be the best years of my life – my wisdom years.  I can notice and feel joy more often.  I can eliminate negative thinking.  I am free to do what I want each day.  I can choose to love who I am and where I am, appreciating each and every moment.  This is the example I want to leave my children and grandchildren so they can also enjoy happy, wonderful lives until the very end.

                                          Hiking with my grandchildren.

The youth worshipping society we’ve created makes wrinkles and graying hair a bad thing.  Our cells respond to the way we feel about aging; every thought creates a chemical reaction in the   body.  We can bathe our cells in healing love or we can create poisonous reactions within us and delay the healing process.  When we honor and appreciate our bodies our health greatly improves.  Deepak Chopra says nothing makes people age faster than fear, but grief runs a close second.  There are inner qualities of courage and faith in God that we can summon in times of dreadful crisis.  We can change our belief systems by getting out of the victim mode; as long as we see ourselves as powerless individuals we will never progress.  We can take charge of our own health and stop depending on doctors to fix us.  

  

I do everything I can to slow down this dis-ease.  I have regular acupuncture treatments and Oxygen therapy.  I walk one mile every morning and exercise with weights to keep my strength.  My diet is mostly raw foods and fresh juices and I drink wheat grass juice as often as possible. Playing the piano is one of the best things I do for my hands as well as my brain.  I do everything I can to take care of my healtlh, but Parkinson’s is showing itself more than I hoped for.  My memory isn’t as good, and it’s getting harder for me to speak.  I’m much weaker and slower than I was a few months ago. It’s hard for  me to eat with my shaking hand. The tremors on my right side have become almost unbearable, so I had no choice but to take the Parkinson’s drugs. now I take them regularly and they make the tremors manageable.   I’m grateful to have something that brings some relief!    

I am accountable for what I am creating in my life.  I was so resistant to  taking the   medication, it’s possible I made my life harder. My beliefs are based on many negative experiences with drugs, but I had to change and be open to the possibility that my life would be better with them than without them.  I can take them with fear or gratitude.  Whatever I believe will manifest so I choose gratitude.  To create my new world  I must  let  positive feelings of love fill every  space inside, then imagine what I want and believe it will come.  My faith can make me whole! 

“For if there be no faith among the children of men God can do no miracle among them, wherefore, he showed not himself until after their faith.  And neither at any time hath any wrought miracles until after their faith; wherefore they first believed in the Son of God.  And there were many whose faith was so exceedingly strong, even before Christ came, who could not be kept from within the veil, but truly saw with their eyes the things which they had beheld with an eye of faith.”  Ether 12: 12, 18, 19

If we can imagine it, we can create it with enough faith! We can truly see with our eyes the things we imagine with an eye of faith.  At a certain level of spiritual awareness, ailments of the body heal, or spontaneously disappear. Fear and doubt are the obstacles that keep us from realizing the things we imagine.   Fear is the fan in the background, everything tells us to be afraid, so we attract fear.  We raise our self up when we believe that everything good is coming and live as if it were already true.    I feel more joy, more gratitude, and more love as I rise up out of fear.  Joy is a spiritual gift telling us we’re on the right path.  Victory over our self brings great joy when we see the changes in our life! 

                                         Our fearless daughter and son.  

 

When we find our connection to God and our own divinity all fears disappear and spiritual joy occurs on a new level. The experience of time stops and there’s no apprehension, regret, or pain, and our joy is ever present.  There is no loss, grief or desire and nothing needs to be done, for everything is already perfect and complete.  Raising one’s consciousness to this level is the journey within and the pathway out of darkness into the light and the wholeness of the soul.  We’ll stop the chase and the madness and the striving for perfection, and see that everything was always perfect. 

                       Marissa,  strong and faithful granddaughter.

“Awake and arise from the dust, O Jerusalem; yea, and put on thy beautiful garments, O daughter of Zion…that thou mayest no more be confounded…yea come unto Christ and be perfected in him.” 
                                                                                         Moroni 10: 31,32

We can receive strength from our precious Savior, Jesus Christ, and go forward into the light with him. The more love, compassion and forgiveness we have, the more we’ll feel his presence and heal our hearts.  I’m disappointed that I still have Parkinson’s after all I’ve done to get well, but perfect love admits disappointment and lets go of expectations, judgments, fears, and doubts. 

“All the pieces of our life must come together on a higher level, until at last our journey through this realm of darkness is over, and we will have come home into the light.  We will be free of all the fears which have clung to us for so long.  The world will leave behind everything that has distorted humanity and kept us in darkness, and we will climb up into the light together.  The Lord has prepared a way for us to rise above the terror, fear and evil of this world.” 

                                 Marissa, conquering fears in Cambodia!

This is not the end of the journey but the beginning.   When we see that life is a joyous and happy adventure, not a path of sorrow and trouble, then we will enjoy the journey.  Fear and sadness are only illusions, when we walk into the darkness it lifts, the light appears and we see there is nothing to be afraid of or sad about after all.

It’s been a marvelous year in spite of Parkinson’s and our other health problems.  Our children gave us the most wonderful 50^th wedding anniversary celebration.  It was the happiest day of my life.  Our marriage is the sweetest blessing we have.  After years of struggle trying to work out our differences we have become very much alike.  We are truly one in all things and not   complete without each other.
 

                                          Celebrating 50 years of marriage!      

We take one day at a time with Wilf’s swallowing problem and we don’t know what the future holds with Parkinson’s dis-ease. It’s all in God’s capable hands, not ours!   We are truly walking into the unknown, in every aspect of our life, taking one step at a time, one day at a time.  We keep moving our feet, knowing that there will always be something to stand on or we will be taught how to fly.  Missy delivered her third baby, another son who is healthy and strong. He is our 34th grandchild, and we have five great grandchildren.  We are blessed with beautiful babies and we’re just getting started!   

                                                  Welcoming new life!

                                                

Kami is getting married and it's possible there will be more weddings soon! They are a beautiful, talented couple with a bright future. We are excited to see the wonderful things our grandchildren will do!  We are still involved with our boys business, and we're happy and  grateful for the success they're having.

                                        Kami and Jimmy,  a happy couple.

I’m getting ready to have the Stem Cell Therapy and other possible treatments. I still have hope that my brain and nervous system are regenerating and I can reverse this dis-ease, but I realize that complete healing will only come through Jesus Christ. I know that He has a plan for me and nothing can separate me from His love.  I need not fear the future, the future is as bright as my faith.  As long as I’m able I’ll spend my time bringing souls to Christ, helping them heal their hearts so they will be found on the side of the righteous.   I will write and speak out as long as I can.      

                                    Speaking to my family, in spite of shaking.

    

“But I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance.” 1 Nephi 1: 20   

Because of our Savior my future is bright no matter what my age is.  I have more than enough time, space and energy for what is important.  I can make my later years my treasure years!  This is my time to receive and graciously accept help.   It can be a precious season of my life as I allow others to help me and show love and gratitude to them. I can turn my grief to gratitude as I contemplate my many blessings and my long life of good health.

I will be victorious through the Lord, Jesus Christ.  He will give me the strength I need to endure to the end, until I am finally released from this life.  I look forward to a glorious resurrection and a perfect body that no longer shakes, and not one hair of my head will be lost!  Whether I’m healed from Parkinson’s or not, I will have the victory!       

                       BEAUTIFUL GRANDDAUGHTERS!

 

                                                      

                                                       OUR FAMILY IN 2013